Non-shite gift ideas for kids.
An egg called Dave. No batteries required.
A quick flick through Substack tells me quite quickly that the people on here are divided into two factions; the gift guide enthusiasts and the gift guide cynics. I can see both sides. Trawling through the shops for the sake of others is a generous act, but as the years roll by and the Great Pacific Garbage Patch spreads it’s plastic tentacles further across the ocean, the commercialisation of Christmas feels more and more.. well, gross.
I feel strongly about giving gifts to kids at Christmas that are not encased in plastic and do not take eight batteries and preferably don’t have a remote control. I believe that in the same way that, say, razors are commercialised in a gendered way, with the women’s razors encased in nice pastel pink packaging and the mens in dark blues and greys(and don’t even start me on the pricing), toy manufacturers frequently undermine us and the children they are designed for.
A primary colour and a plastic coating on a toy sucks in the attention of a child, in the same way, say, that a lollipop might, but in my experience, these toys never seem to be able to stay the course. I’m talking about Nerf guns, remote control cars, remote control robots or dolls, walkie talkies, plastic play sets, light sabres, anything that lights up or talks. They break. The batteries run out and never get refilled. A piece goes missing. You are left with a dead toy that can’t be recycled and the garbage patch grows.
My seven year old son has a pet called Dave. Dave is a rubber bouncy ball in the shape of an egg. My kid likes to build houses for Dave, it could be yoghurt pot, or a little wooden box, he declares it perfect for Dave, then he fills it with layers of cotton wool and tissue paper, so that Dave is comfy.
As well as Dave, one of my son’s favourite ‘toys’ is a toilet plunger. After losing the plunger, he recently found it again in our basement and has been sleeping with it at night time, cuddling it like a teddy bear. This is the same boy that can generate hours of pleasure from a large cardboard box. He climbs in, he brings blankets, he sucks his thumb and channels Dave the egg. He loves to make potions, using any condiments from the cupboard, leaves from the garden, a lump of coal he found in the street, all of it goes in, gets stirred around and ends up a brown sludgy mess.
Both of my kids are deeply sensory, they want to touch and feel things, to squeeze and knead and throw and work things with their hands. I need to be truthful here. I buy my kids stuff off Amazon, stuff that is cheap and badly made and probably shipped from far flung places; big fluffy blankets, mini-indoor water fountains, any number of squishy balls and teddy bears. But I have realised, especially with my younger kid, that when it comes to presents, their needs are so much simpler than the toy shops give them credit for. What will feel good to touch? What can be thrown and squeezed? What can be used to enhance their imagination? What will help them feel empowered?
So here is a list of presents that have been tried and tested in my house, that you can give the young child in your life, that are truly useful. That will last. That will bring joy to their recipient. That won’t need batteries. That don’t cost the earth.
Long coveted by my son. We bought a stone one on holiday and he spent hours on the beach grinding shells into sand. Perfect for potion making and learning about the kitchen - flour, tea bags, spices, pesto, coffee… your kids will see food differently.
A stone cold classic. Immensely satisfying. Never will the children’s pencil collections be sharper. Throw in a packet of colouring pencils for good measure.
It’s a win win and it never fails. Buy it for the small child in your life. Bring them litter picking. Watch the joy in their face as they fill up their bags with mars bar wrappers and flattened cans. Feel like a good citizen of the world.
Wooden spoon with a smiley face
Great stocking filler. Fun for any aspiring bakers.
Yes they are plastic and primary coloured but I make an exception with these. My kid had this set when he was a toddler. He loved to sit at the table sucking up water from one glass and squirting it into another. You could buy some food colouring dyes to go with this set, dye the water different colours.. you have hours of entertainment.
For kids from aged three up, these knives are stainless steel and serrated but blunted so as to be safe on the skin. Get the kids in your life making salad every night. Empower them. Give them their own set of tools.
Magnets from the age of three upwards are magic. My son got gifted a small set of magnetic stones in a velvet drawstring bag when he was four. It was such a thoughtful gift. These Magna-Tiles are magnets set into tiles which mean you can build with them. They are remarkably hard wearing, nearly impossible to break and will last you years.
Finally, get your very own Dave. No vet bills. No barking. No piss or shit on your floor.
Happy Christmas one and all. x
My husband likes to have a stash of rubber eggs that he leaves at peoples houses when we visit. Jacket pockets, fridges, cupboards. My dad once boiled one by accident!
Dave is cool. He reminds me of the Shirley Hughes picture book about Alfie whose best mate is a pebble called Bonting. My daughter, when she was small, named some small wizened carrots after dead relatives and played with them weeks. This is an excellent gift guide.