Oh yep. The frustration of being a writer. My latest book is taking FOREVER (I'm on my 4th edit, the last one before I get an editor involved) and life just keeps getting in the damn way. Bah. How do I deal? Do the best I can with what I have. If I can only do 10 minutes, that's what I do. Because if you wait for the perfect moment, 9 years will pass. For this (my 3rd) book, I removed the deadlines. All of them. It'll be done when it's done. (Even if that's 6 years after I started. Ahem, long story) We can only do our best. Maybe one day you'll be able to take yourself away to a cottage and just write (oh it sounds blissful but I betcha I'd spend 23 hours a day procrastinating!), but for now, all you can do is your best, snatching time here and there. PS I say life gets in the way...this morning I've been listening to the cricket instead of editing. I am my book's worst enemy at times!
Donna did removing the deadlines help? had it made the whole thing more or less enjoyable? or just the same? Are you less frustrated when life gets in the way?
Just listened to the audio of this article 🧡… chuckling along at the Fortnite dialect that echoes in my house too! Short spurts of writing are frustrating when you’ve known the joy of total escape. From my own experience, it’s annoying to say & hear, I think you’ve just got to surrender to it. It uses huge amounts of energy fighting it. Until you’ll eventually find an opening of time that allows your spiral of clarity to appear.
you see THIS is the sensible option. I know you're right. I get so stressed out and wound up about it. I could be using that energy somewhere else! or just not using it at all??
I can’t speak of first drafts for book writing purposes but writing here on Substack is pretty new for me (I write about perimenopause and late discovered neurodivergence etc.) and it’s the thing that I want to run to and do all day. I lose track in the way that you describe. Also 5 years in to my perimenopause experience I can’t help but wonder if the new depths that we go through, the ups the downs, the wanting to run away, the unpredictability can only be a good thing when it comes to writing and the compassion, empathy, understanding and view of life that shifts for us.
Annie, that portrait you posted is fabulous, you look like a Roman priestess! Maybe you can ask T to buy you an Ancient Rome scribing set complete with wax tablet and a stylus! You could use it for your second drafts when you need to edit out anything that isn't essential to the story 😎✍️
True! What I meant to say is to get the scribing set as a Christmas present (I forgot to mention Christmas, duh!) but it seems the best present for you right now is the gift of time 🎁
I never realised how I took my time for granted before I became a carer. I was in a studio doing something whether it be art of music in some form most days of the week, I took day jobs that were low paid but allowed me the luxury of being able to pursue things I loved. I look after my Mum and Brother now (Dementia & learning difficulties respectively) so I get time maybe twice a week for creative outlets, it’s precious and very much a “grabbed space” for expression. It’s frustrating but at the same time the limits of time have on occasion narrowed my focus and that can be rewarding (and sometimes not by the same measure).
I can imagine Adrian. My sister is a performance artist. She is also a mother of three children, one of whom is a wheelchair user, the keeper of two huge pet pigs and a disability dog. She constantly talks about how frustrating it is not to be able to make art all day. But she also said that there's a sense of stability with her time parameters. She just has to get what she can done in that time. And when she's not working she can plan. She keeps a big ideas book and writes everything down in there. Most importantly, she said that if she DID have a life that afforded her to make art all day she thinks she'd go insane with all the possibilities....
I can relate to that quite a bit. I'll be honest when these changes occurred in my life they dropped on me pretty suddenly and I was in danger of becoming a little bitter about losing my "chosen path". But my creativity still finds its way out and I think I've resolved where I am with stuff (mostly). When I had all the time in the world for what I do I could be lazy and undisciplined. Now I hit the ground running and make every.minute count. The ideas book is a must and I carry something similar (has to be handwritten). I dont have pet pigs though, I mean that's the victory lap and I'm not there yet 😁
Timely!!! I just posted a desperate plea for retreats with childcare or grants that can help with childcare, or just SOMETHING so I can have more than 5 uninterrupted minutes to write. Partly because my income depends on my writing and I need to finish this book proposal if I have a hope of getting another book deal. But also, because I.Am.Going.Mad. Like you I need to write. It's all up in my head and I need to purge!
that's the most frustrating part Joanna, this sense of it all being in your head and needing to purge. I wonder is there something in writing down a summary of whats in your head so that you can't forget or lose the essence of your idea? It doesn't work for me as I don't fully know where the book is going until i write it.. but it could work for you?
I've been using the voice to text function on my phone to gather notes (makes me feel v important dictating my ideas on the school run 😅). But, like you, I write to think. All I seem to be doing is adding in more and more ideas that need organising. Which, as a woman with ADHD, is not my strong suit unless I have plenty of space & time. X
I love the raw energy behind your style of writing - it feels like we are all having coffee together and chatting and ranting & laughing - just how it would be be if you had a few friends and their kids over at half term. I now have a 11 and 13 year old and it feels like time is racing away! It’s so easy to feel under pressure but I think I catch myself being addicted to “hurry”. I read a book about the ruthless elimination of hurry and it made me curious about why I need to be busy! There are many reasons for mine but I think we should all be more curious about what is making us feel the need to be busy and place deadlines on ourselves. Happy half term all 💛
Nicky what is the book? i need to ruthless eliminate hurry! the busy thing is very much a 'nurture' thing from me.. its something i get from my parents and siblings.. my husband T is really good at relaxing and i have tred to learn from him but it's innate. i'd love to be able explore it more...
Annie I feel you and this resonates so much. I think some of the panic in needing to impose deadlines, especially for me around writing, is around control/ total intolerance of anything uncertain, coupled with also going through a hormonal shift (albeit postpartum). Everything has hit the fan and I want to at least be in control of one part of it. I’m learning the hard way to try and let go - someone passed this on to me, on the nature of acceptance (through the Insight Timer app) it’s difficult but it helped. https://insig.ht/FQT9QirEYNb
I feel so aligned with this piece, thank you so much for writing it. I spend my life in a constant state of anxiety that I'm not writing enough which is only quashed by the act of actual writing, which I don't get enough time to do and thus the cycle of anxiety self-perpetuates. I also get it in my head that if I haven't managed to write for a week or so because of work / commitments / the demands of life, that I've lost the ability to do it at all and that the next time I sit down my mind will be completely empty. These are not helpful thoughts. I find writing morning pages (as recommended in The Artist's Way - basically 3 pages of stream of consciousness) helps me get over this, because it forces me to just put words on the page, any words, and then when I get back to the draft I'm in a different headspace. But all the annoyance at not getting enough time to write seems to dissolve when you're in the state of words flying out of your fingertips and you have no idea where they're even coming from - one of the best feelings in the world.
Delphine I managed one day of morning pages and then stopped so I’m already impressed you are doing that! And glad to hear that it works for you. You found a way to break out of the cycle of anxiety!
I had to stop writing a novel that I impulsively started when my kids were tiny because I became so utterly and unhealthily obsessed with writing it! I was neglecting the children! I couldn’t sleep because the characters were speaking to me the whole time, I missed stops on the train because I was so immersed and snatching every moment to write. I was neglecting my day job. I had to stop writing it - and that was that. I wrote less immersive books about gardens instead. But that novel (which I almost finished) is still in me and maybe one day it will appear. The kids are now 20 and 21 so in theory I have more time!
Can definitely relate. It takes so long to get writing done now. I feel like I have/could make time and opportunity to write but lack the energy: watching TV or doing literally anything else (thankfully I've mostly weaned myself off social media, which was murdering my creativity and ability to stick at hard things, and writing is hard). Newsletters literally write themselves in my brain when I'm walking along, I think about writing 80% of the day. But then I sit down at the next available opportunity (commute, pre-nursery pick up, or post baby bedtime, or post-dinner, post-clear up, pre-my bedtime) and find either that the words just don't sound like they did in my head, or that the idea has flattened out on the page and I don't have the energy to persist with it at that time. Plus I'm a night owl and used to write well into the night when everything was quiet, and then snooze my alarm the next day. Now I know I have a daily 7am baby wake up I'm just there when it gets to 11pm thinking 'If I don't go to bed now then I'm going to be knackered tomorrow'. I guess when I do write something and get it out to people now though, the satisfaction is IMMENSE.
god Jo i can imagine. You know on the new update on iphone the Notes app ( i do everything on the notes app) has a transcription feature now? I've been talking my ideas into that and then you can transcribe them and work them into a piece. its so good for being able to preserve that initial spark of an idea!
Annie—I needed this. I’m the same way “I need to write—IT HAS TO BE DONE NOW!!”; but, I need to do things. I have Writers Frustration too! I have written stuff here and there, I have a few work in progresses that can eventually become first drafts.
It'll be interesting to see if a sustained period spent writing improves your books. You should compare how you feel about your impending novel, versus what you feel about future novels.
I'm not saying that having regular interruptions won't improve it, but would it actually be a luxury to sit down and be locked away? Families, work, even life itself loves interrupting a flow but we can draw from that no?
I personally think our mobiles are the worst disruption in our lives. And I say that having four kids.
Even if you do only get scraps written down ( and I can't wait to read what meal comes out of the painstakingly prepared pepper you mentioned) from those scraps and vignettes surely you of all people could pull them together? Like a set? I'm not an author and I'm defo not a DJ ha, but you have a knack of assembling sentences and songs to achieve a peak flow for hours at a time.
Productivity is whole different kettle of fish. And that's something you're always going to have to tussle with. I suspect you're your worst critic anyways. Apart from those fuckers at the Daily Mail. But you're better than most at going after what you want. The fact that you changed the format of Changes shows your serious about having more time.
I haven't even congratulated you kn that yet, what you managed to achieve over four series. The interviews flowed and they just seemed like conversations. So you achieved what you set out to even if it did come at a great cost to your time.
I don't have a writing style as I'm not a writer, but I know I need to get stuff down when I think of it. I annoy myself thinking of the good stuff that is pertinent, and not getting it out on time. Especially stuff that makes me laugh as it will be way out of context by the time I've sent it. In my case it's not sending the text when it's relatable, or not sending that observation to a friend when it's relevant.
I know that's way different to writing a bloody book, but then your timelines are self imposed. If you can't get that draft done by whenever you set, then be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself an extension. And whatever you do don't let Before Midnights be affected as I think it's a glorious concept!
You do have a way of describing what is going on in my head, in general, and this share from you as I struggle to write my first draft to its conclusion is pitch perfect. I'm so close, but life is always closer. It presses in. What I do know, is that there always is something that can take the front and forward place, and making that writing is not happening for me on the daily, as it isn't for you either just now. But, it is happening Annie, one sliced pepper at a time. So keep going!
I actually did exactly as you did, set a deadline of my own and lived in the book until it was done. But what I wasn't expecting from this "achievement" was that it would leave me feeling hollow on most days. Mothers have lists. That's what they do. But once that list is all ticked up, crumpled up, thrown in the bin, are you still a mother?
Oh yep. The frustration of being a writer. My latest book is taking FOREVER (I'm on my 4th edit, the last one before I get an editor involved) and life just keeps getting in the damn way. Bah. How do I deal? Do the best I can with what I have. If I can only do 10 minutes, that's what I do. Because if you wait for the perfect moment, 9 years will pass. For this (my 3rd) book, I removed the deadlines. All of them. It'll be done when it's done. (Even if that's 6 years after I started. Ahem, long story) We can only do our best. Maybe one day you'll be able to take yourself away to a cottage and just write (oh it sounds blissful but I betcha I'd spend 23 hours a day procrastinating!), but for now, all you can do is your best, snatching time here and there. PS I say life gets in the way...this morning I've been listening to the cricket instead of editing. I am my book's worst enemy at times!
Donna did removing the deadlines help? had it made the whole thing more or less enjoyable? or just the same? Are you less frustrated when life gets in the way?
Just listened to the audio of this article 🧡… chuckling along at the Fortnite dialect that echoes in my house too! Short spurts of writing are frustrating when you’ve known the joy of total escape. From my own experience, it’s annoying to say & hear, I think you’ve just got to surrender to it. It uses huge amounts of energy fighting it. Until you’ll eventually find an opening of time that allows your spiral of clarity to appear.
you see THIS is the sensible option. I know you're right. I get so stressed out and wound up about it. I could be using that energy somewhere else! or just not using it at all??
I can’t speak of first drafts for book writing purposes but writing here on Substack is pretty new for me (I write about perimenopause and late discovered neurodivergence etc.) and it’s the thing that I want to run to and do all day. I lose track in the way that you describe. Also 5 years in to my perimenopause experience I can’t help but wonder if the new depths that we go through, the ups the downs, the wanting to run away, the unpredictability can only be a good thing when it comes to writing and the compassion, empathy, understanding and view of life that shifts for us.
Annie, that portrait you posted is fabulous, you look like a Roman priestess! Maybe you can ask T to buy you an Ancient Rome scribing set complete with wax tablet and a stylus! You could use it for your second drafts when you need to edit out anything that isn't essential to the story 😎✍️
now this is quite the image Paola! Listen i don't care if i'm writing with a bleeding quill at this point as long as i have TIME i don't mind.
True! What I meant to say is to get the scribing set as a Christmas present (I forgot to mention Christmas, duh!) but it seems the best present for you right now is the gift of time 🎁
well both would be just lovely! thank you Paola!
I never realised how I took my time for granted before I became a carer. I was in a studio doing something whether it be art of music in some form most days of the week, I took day jobs that were low paid but allowed me the luxury of being able to pursue things I loved. I look after my Mum and Brother now (Dementia & learning difficulties respectively) so I get time maybe twice a week for creative outlets, it’s precious and very much a “grabbed space” for expression. It’s frustrating but at the same time the limits of time have on occasion narrowed my focus and that can be rewarding (and sometimes not by the same measure).
I can imagine Adrian. My sister is a performance artist. She is also a mother of three children, one of whom is a wheelchair user, the keeper of two huge pet pigs and a disability dog. She constantly talks about how frustrating it is not to be able to make art all day. But she also said that there's a sense of stability with her time parameters. She just has to get what she can done in that time. And when she's not working she can plan. She keeps a big ideas book and writes everything down in there. Most importantly, she said that if she DID have a life that afforded her to make art all day she thinks she'd go insane with all the possibilities....
I can relate to that quite a bit. I'll be honest when these changes occurred in my life they dropped on me pretty suddenly and I was in danger of becoming a little bitter about losing my "chosen path". But my creativity still finds its way out and I think I've resolved where I am with stuff (mostly). When I had all the time in the world for what I do I could be lazy and undisciplined. Now I hit the ground running and make every.minute count. The ideas book is a must and I carry something similar (has to be handwritten). I dont have pet pigs though, I mean that's the victory lap and I'm not there yet 😁
Timely!!! I just posted a desperate plea for retreats with childcare or grants that can help with childcare, or just SOMETHING so I can have more than 5 uninterrupted minutes to write. Partly because my income depends on my writing and I need to finish this book proposal if I have a hope of getting another book deal. But also, because I.Am.Going.Mad. Like you I need to write. It's all up in my head and I need to purge!
that's the most frustrating part Joanna, this sense of it all being in your head and needing to purge. I wonder is there something in writing down a summary of whats in your head so that you can't forget or lose the essence of your idea? It doesn't work for me as I don't fully know where the book is going until i write it.. but it could work for you?
I've been using the voice to text function on my phone to gather notes (makes me feel v important dictating my ideas on the school run 😅). But, like you, I write to think. All I seem to be doing is adding in more and more ideas that need organising. Which, as a woman with ADHD, is not my strong suit unless I have plenty of space & time. X
I hear you. Sending solidarity xx
I love the raw energy behind your style of writing - it feels like we are all having coffee together and chatting and ranting & laughing - just how it would be be if you had a few friends and their kids over at half term. I now have a 11 and 13 year old and it feels like time is racing away! It’s so easy to feel under pressure but I think I catch myself being addicted to “hurry”. I read a book about the ruthless elimination of hurry and it made me curious about why I need to be busy! There are many reasons for mine but I think we should all be more curious about what is making us feel the need to be busy and place deadlines on ourselves. Happy half term all 💛
Nicky what is the book? i need to ruthless eliminate hurry! the busy thing is very much a 'nurture' thing from me.. its something i get from my parents and siblings.. my husband T is really good at relaxing and i have tred to learn from him but it's innate. i'd love to be able explore it more...
Here it is…. https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/9781529308389?gC=5a105e8b&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwj4K5BhDYARIsAD1Ly2pAbDCIjtL0dGh8x96UeYGSYqWaUmeHtkO2cJtW8K5OHs1hIuRWQ1MaAkQIEALw_wcB
I also read this and it made me laugh and also go wow that’s me in places https://amzn.eu/d/0eHwORh
Enjoy adding reads to the reading list pile 😊
Annie I feel you and this resonates so much. I think some of the panic in needing to impose deadlines, especially for me around writing, is around control/ total intolerance of anything uncertain, coupled with also going through a hormonal shift (albeit postpartum). Everything has hit the fan and I want to at least be in control of one part of it. I’m learning the hard way to try and let go - someone passed this on to me, on the nature of acceptance (through the Insight Timer app) it’s difficult but it helped. https://insig.ht/FQT9QirEYNb
I feel so aligned with this piece, thank you so much for writing it. I spend my life in a constant state of anxiety that I'm not writing enough which is only quashed by the act of actual writing, which I don't get enough time to do and thus the cycle of anxiety self-perpetuates. I also get it in my head that if I haven't managed to write for a week or so because of work / commitments / the demands of life, that I've lost the ability to do it at all and that the next time I sit down my mind will be completely empty. These are not helpful thoughts. I find writing morning pages (as recommended in The Artist's Way - basically 3 pages of stream of consciousness) helps me get over this, because it forces me to just put words on the page, any words, and then when I get back to the draft I'm in a different headspace. But all the annoyance at not getting enough time to write seems to dissolve when you're in the state of words flying out of your fingertips and you have no idea where they're even coming from - one of the best feelings in the world.
Delphine I managed one day of morning pages and then stopped so I’m already impressed you are doing that! And glad to hear that it works for you. You found a way to break out of the cycle of anxiety!
I had to stop writing a novel that I impulsively started when my kids were tiny because I became so utterly and unhealthily obsessed with writing it! I was neglecting the children! I couldn’t sleep because the characters were speaking to me the whole time, I missed stops on the train because I was so immersed and snatching every moment to write. I was neglecting my day job. I had to stop writing it - and that was that. I wrote less immersive books about gardens instead. But that novel (which I almost finished) is still in me and maybe one day it will appear. The kids are now 20 and 21 so in theory I have more time!
Exactly. That is how I write the characters live within me—and I write when I can. My projects will eventually become books.
Can definitely relate. It takes so long to get writing done now. I feel like I have/could make time and opportunity to write but lack the energy: watching TV or doing literally anything else (thankfully I've mostly weaned myself off social media, which was murdering my creativity and ability to stick at hard things, and writing is hard). Newsletters literally write themselves in my brain when I'm walking along, I think about writing 80% of the day. But then I sit down at the next available opportunity (commute, pre-nursery pick up, or post baby bedtime, or post-dinner, post-clear up, pre-my bedtime) and find either that the words just don't sound like they did in my head, or that the idea has flattened out on the page and I don't have the energy to persist with it at that time. Plus I'm a night owl and used to write well into the night when everything was quiet, and then snooze my alarm the next day. Now I know I have a daily 7am baby wake up I'm just there when it gets to 11pm thinking 'If I don't go to bed now then I'm going to be knackered tomorrow'. I guess when I do write something and get it out to people now though, the satisfaction is IMMENSE.
god Jo i can imagine. You know on the new update on iphone the Notes app ( i do everything on the notes app) has a transcription feature now? I've been talking my ideas into that and then you can transcribe them and work them into a piece. its so good for being able to preserve that initial spark of an idea!
I did not know about that. Will give it a go. Thanks!
Annie—I needed this. I’m the same way “I need to write—IT HAS TO BE DONE NOW!!”; but, I need to do things. I have Writers Frustration too! I have written stuff here and there, I have a few work in progresses that can eventually become first drafts.
Hi Annie,
It'll be interesting to see if a sustained period spent writing improves your books. You should compare how you feel about your impending novel, versus what you feel about future novels.
I'm not saying that having regular interruptions won't improve it, but would it actually be a luxury to sit down and be locked away? Families, work, even life itself loves interrupting a flow but we can draw from that no?
I personally think our mobiles are the worst disruption in our lives. And I say that having four kids.
Even if you do only get scraps written down ( and I can't wait to read what meal comes out of the painstakingly prepared pepper you mentioned) from those scraps and vignettes surely you of all people could pull them together? Like a set? I'm not an author and I'm defo not a DJ ha, but you have a knack of assembling sentences and songs to achieve a peak flow for hours at a time.
Productivity is whole different kettle of fish. And that's something you're always going to have to tussle with. I suspect you're your worst critic anyways. Apart from those fuckers at the Daily Mail. But you're better than most at going after what you want. The fact that you changed the format of Changes shows your serious about having more time.
I haven't even congratulated you kn that yet, what you managed to achieve over four series. The interviews flowed and they just seemed like conversations. So you achieved what you set out to even if it did come at a great cost to your time.
I don't have a writing style as I'm not a writer, but I know I need to get stuff down when I think of it. I annoy myself thinking of the good stuff that is pertinent, and not getting it out on time. Especially stuff that makes me laugh as it will be way out of context by the time I've sent it. In my case it's not sending the text when it's relatable, or not sending that observation to a friend when it's relevant.
I know that's way different to writing a bloody book, but then your timelines are self imposed. If you can't get that draft done by whenever you set, then be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack and give yourself an extension. And whatever you do don't let Before Midnights be affected as I think it's a glorious concept!
You do have a way of describing what is going on in my head, in general, and this share from you as I struggle to write my first draft to its conclusion is pitch perfect. I'm so close, but life is always closer. It presses in. What I do know, is that there always is something that can take the front and forward place, and making that writing is not happening for me on the daily, as it isn't for you either just now. But, it is happening Annie, one sliced pepper at a time. So keep going!
‘I’m so close, but life is always closer.’ God that hits home. Thank you Janey.
I actually did exactly as you did, set a deadline of my own and lived in the book until it was done. But what I wasn't expecting from this "achievement" was that it would leave me feeling hollow on most days. Mothers have lists. That's what they do. But once that list is all ticked up, crumpled up, thrown in the bin, are you still a mother?