Changes Q&A - Shocka

Six questions and answers on change.

‘As a young kid I had no idea how powerful words were or anything about prayers or the power of God. I just knew the world was messed up and I wanted to heal it.’

from A Section Of My Life, by Shocka.

Shocka, is Kenneth Erhahon, a rapper and mental health advocate from Tottenham, North London. He has released five albums to date, his most recent Conscious Grime II came out this month. His debut book, A Section Of My Life was published in 2023 and lays bare his mental health journey, which saw him sectioned four times and diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I first came across Shocka in an interview on the Steeze Factory instagram channel. I was so moved by his spirit of joyfulness and his total lack of shame or embarrassment in speaking about his experiences of being sectioned.

I have since learned that Shocka has made it his mission to dispel shame around mental health and to help others find freedom and relief in sharing their journey. One of the ways he has done this is through A Section Of My Life. He tells his story through verse and poetry and asks the reader to reflect on their own mental health journey in the process of reading.

So Shocka is here as a rapper, a poet, a speaker, an author, a young man trying to heal the world, one word at a time. I am so grateful to him for answering the Changes interview questions this month.

What is my relationship with the word change?

I always have positive associations with that word. Everything throughout the universe has to change and evolve, and I think that’s a good thing, especially when it comes to people. I love watching people change for the better.

Especially for myself. I’m going to use an example. In my book, I spoke about the second time I got sectioned, I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror because I was so disgusted with myself as a person.

That’s why my self-love journey means so much to me because there’s a point where I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. And that stemmed from so many different actions that I made and poor decisions that I made. Everyone admires the person I’ve grown into today, but I wasn’t always like this. I made so many mistakes, but the fact that we’ve been given the chance to change, I think that’s a beautiful thing. So my relationship with the word change is positive.

When have I felt the most change in my life ?

The first time I felt the most changed was my first sectioning experience. I was nineteen when I got sectioned the first time. I’ve never been in that environment before. The only time I was close to people that went through mental health issues was when I saw them on the streets in my area, like you see someone speaking to themselves, so you see someone acting in a strange way, but being in an actual hospital surrounded by a group of people that had their own mental health issues going on, some people facing a wall talking to themselves, it was just so scary to be in that environment. I didn’t know what to expect because patients could just come into your room. anything could happen. I remember having heightened levels of anxiety and panic every night when I went to sleep.

Another traumatic thing that happened to me the first time I was sectioned is when I tried to leave the hospital. So when I came into the hospital, I was in a pretty delusional state. I think a day into my sectioning, I came back to myself and I tried to leave the hospital because I thought I was okay and I could go home. But the nurses said I couldn’t leave and I got into a fight with them and they injected me and I ended up waking up in a room by myself. I must have passed out after they injected me and they dragged me into the room and I ended up waking up in this room by myself naked with my mum looking through the flaps. So I can see my mum looking through the flaps telling me that it’s okay and not to panic. My mum must have came to visit me and they must have told her what happened. So just thinking about the pain that must have put my mum through. That was very traumatic.

Another thing that changed was my relationship with my friends. Before I got sectioned I was able to keep a mask and nobody knew how I truly felt, but when you go for a breakdown and end up in a mental health hospital, you can’t lie to anyone that nothing is wrong with you because if nothing was wrong, you wouldn’t end up in a place like that. I didn’t feel up to my friends coming into my house to visit me, let alone coming to visit me in a mental health hospital. I found the visitations extremely shameful. Prior to then, if my friends came to visit me at home, I could make them a drink, make them food, pretend like everything’s okay, but when my friends came to visit me in the mental health hospital I really had no words to say because I knew they knew that I wasn’t in the best place. That was the first time my mask completely slipped and that was a very scary thing, but also a freeing thing.

The second time that I experienced great change was when my mother passed away. Nothing prepares you for something like that and your whole world changes. I’m an only child. I saw my mum every single day. Literally, throughout my lifetime, I can count probably ten days when I didn’t see her. If I didn’t see her, I spoke to her every day.

I remember my mum telling me on the phone when she was in Nigeria that she had lost a lot of weight and she looked completely different and I didn’t really understand what she meant until she came back from Nigeria and I saw her. She was so slim. I’ve never seen my mom like that. Then shortly after, my mum had to go back into hospital, and when she came out, she was in a wheelchair. I’ve never seen my mum not being able to not walk. Losing my mum to cancer, seeing someone that you love deteriorate in front of you, that was very traumatic for me.

Those are two of the most life changing experiences for me. The first time I got sectioned and the process of watching my mom deteriorating and losing her.

What change am I going through right now?

I’m going through the change of becoming a man. It’s difficult for me because my father wasn’t in my life, so I have no one to turn to. When I got sectioned and I was going through a depressive time, I could have asked him if he’s ever been through depression and how he dealt with it and what he did. But there was no one to really turn to. Yes, I had my mother’s love, but it’s not the same as getting advice from a man. Most of my friends never had their father either, so we’re all free-styling on the job and trying to figure this thing out. There’s so many mistakes I’ve made, relationship mistakes, life mistakes, that had my father had been around I could have asked him for his help with.

After I got sectioned the third time I went on holiday with my friends. My mum told me to take my medication. I didn’t take my medication. Not only did I not take my medication. I started drinking a lot and partying, which I wasn’t meant to be doing, especially with what I had went through mental health wise. When my friends came to the hotel to see me after we had a night of partying, I was relapsing again and having a breakdown. I should have told them how I truly felt and what I was going through, but I didn’t because I wanted to pretend that there was nothing wrong. If I told them what I was really going through and how I really felt, they could have left me in the hotel to get myself right, but because I didn’t tell them I ended up coming with them onto the strip in Magaluf, and we ended up having even more drinks and I should not have been drinking in the state that I was in. So the message I want to get across to people is always try your best to say exactly how you are feeling and let your people know what’s going on around you so they know how they can help you.

Another poor decision I made was to date one of my close friend’s girlfriend. We’ve gotten over it now, but I look back on those actions and those mistakes that got made and I remember really punishing myself for that, but being able to evolve and change as a person and make it back up to him and become a better person.

So a change I’m going through right now is the transition of becoming a man, like a functional adult in society. I didn’t realise it’s that difficult. But people can change for the better, no matter what mistakes they’ve made or what they’ve done, they can always evolve and change. And I look at myself as a prime example.

Who was the last person to change my mind and what opinion and perspective was changed?

So the last person to change my mind was a pastor in Nigeria by the name of Joshua Selman. I don’t think a lot of people would have heard of him. He’s a Christian pastor. I haven’t met him physically, but I listen to all his stuff, and he changed my mind and perspective about the importance of leaving behind a good name. I don’t think people know how important that is. He said your name could either be a key or a padlock. If it’s a key and you leave a good name behind, that means other people after you can use that name. Maybe your friends can say Shocka’s my cousin and doors can open for them, family members can use your name, people that don’t know you could use your name, but if your name becomes a padlock, then people can’t use your name and you could potentially spoil opportunities for your family. Your son could grow up and mention your name somewhere and lose a job just because he’s associated with your name. So he said, having your name become a key is important and that changed my perspective completely and it drives every decision I make.

What book or piece of music changed me and why?

I can name a piece of music and I can name a book that changed me. A book that changed me was a book called You Can Heal Your Life by a woman called Louise Hay.

When I was going through my mental health struggles, and I was desperate for information, somehow I stumbled across that book, and she spoke about self-love in the most beautiful way possible, not in the book, but the book led me to where I found that message. I found her messages on YouTube and um, yeah, she spoke myself loving the most beautiful way possible and I’m so glad I found that book because that led me to all her teachings and that changed my life.

A piece of music that changed me was Kendrick Lamar’s good kid, Mad City album and his Section.80 album. Those two albums changed me because they gave me the permission to be myself. He was a young black male, like me from the environment that I came from, and he was speaking about everything I was afraid to speak about. And people were so receptive to it and I was watching people be receptive to him being so brave and I was like, do you know what? I could do the same thing. And I did, and I’ve managed to get the same reception. Not on that same level, but people are so receptive to what I’m doing and it’s thanks to him for allowing me to access that bravery within myself.

What change would I like to make in the future?

I’ve got a song called Self-love. That’s a song that I got my first solo record deal for, and it’s a song that everybody knows me for, and I really would love to be an example of what self-love looks like in the future in all aspects, in terms of how I take care of myself. How I speak to myself, how I treat other people. That’s a change I would love to make. I would love to be a shining example. I just want to glow. I think people that look after themselves are extremely sexy. And I’m not talking about their features, just the fact that they place that value upon themselves and see themselves as someone that needs to be looked after in that way, I respect it so much and that’s one of my goals in the future. I really want to take care of myself and pour love into me. The lyrics of self-love, the song that I made, go,

“You give everybody else love, but you never give yourself love. Don’t forget about yourself, love, self love.”

I really want to live those lyrics out.

BUY SHOCKA - SECTION OF MY LIFE HERE

BUY SHOCKA’S MUSIC AND GIG TICKETS HERE